The Inner Debate on Practicality and Passion

16 Jul

The passion for something can not die. Even if we subconsciously deny it, chances are, it haunts us like our own conscience. It is what our heart yearns.

Practicality, in its own sense, can not be denied too. However, it can always be modified and flexed to suit our needs.

Childhood memories have always reminded me of the things we can dream about endlessly, without actually thinking whether it is realistic or not.. If it is attainable or even tangible in the long run. Our imaginations as children can run like wild fire and yet we are contented with these dreams.

It is this imagination that triggered the occasional daydreaming and fantasizing we have done as children. Our fantasies were endless.

A typical memory of ours is being asked what we would like to be when we grow old. I told my mother that I wanted to be a doctor. As I grew older, the occasional adventurer in my inner self shifted from becoming a doctor to a teacher, a teacher to a stewardess… I wanted to do everything!

When I graduated from high school, I was pretty sure that I was lost. I did not know what course I will take in college. I had a seemingly long list to choose from. A list I wrote one evening while considering what I am actually good at and what I am not. The list enumerated several courses I would like to take up. There was Information Technology, Electrical and Communications Engineering, Architecture, Aeronautics Engineering (although I did not know if there was actually a school who offered the course)… The list goes on and on. I even wanted to join the Philippine Military Academy. Never did I envision myself taking up a nursing course. And here I am, a fourth year soon-to-be graduating nursing student.

Like the majority of students taking up this course, I too, want a job abroad to earn money. Enough to feed myself and my family, as well as finance my addiction to gadgets (grin). I know that is shallow but that is all for starters. I have my classes to attend to, cases to complete, board exam to review for. So I guess, I am still entitled to a little shallow dreaming for now.

Practicality drives me to achieve this goal : graduate from nursing and work abroad. But passion drives me otherwise. My heart yearns a more adventurous field of work. Not that nursing lacks that… It is just that, I want a different setup in work. I do not want to stay in a hospital all day. I want to have field work all day. I’d like to travel. Go to places. See the world. I wonder if nursing will grant me that.

I do not hate my course. I have grown to love it. It has given me a lot of opportunities to meet people, help and appreciate life. It taught me the value of my family and how lucky I am to have almost everything in life. The mere thought of being able to help someone is always self-fulfilling. It brings out a feeling one can not describe and added to that, it boosts my confidence. IT IS GREAT to have helped someone in need.

I would say I took up nursing for the sake of practicality but I envision myself being happy with another job. My heart and mind feels empty and I am still in search of what I really want and would want to do for the rest of my life. Being practical is just right nowadays. But when I grow older, I wonder, will I ever find something that can fill up my empty self? Or will I never find what my heart really desires and regret the life I have never lived up to?

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